Surgery was unable to remove the entire rathke's cleft cyst that grew on my pituitary gland five and half years ago, so every six months I get an MRI to monitor its growth. This medical routine is now a part of life. The check-up interrupts the flow of things, very rudely at times, but it has to happen.
While sitting in the doctors office yesterday, Randy and I were visiting with my doctor and he informed us that the cyst had only slightly grown. This has been the typical report for some time now and it is a relief to know that not much has changed. Now, due to its slow growth I won't have to get another MRI for an entire year. Hooray! Great news!
The conversation doesn't end there though. Then he begins to talk options: radiation of some type to remove the growth, this is a way to get it out of my brain without having surgery again, there would be side effects.
Without much thought, my answer was simply no, not interested. This cyst does not affect my day to day. It has actually made me stronger. My doctor whole heartdly supported this decision. Why mess with something that is not negatively affecting you? Off Randy and I go to celebrate with a tasty treat at Sonic.
It is also a post check-up routine for Randy and I to talk in depth about God's purpose and why he has us go through this particular trial. It is always positive and it reassures us of God's faithfulness and grace. During this talk Randy brought something to my attention.
"I thought is was interesting that Dr. M brought up wanting to have perfection in life."
I barely remembered this part of the doctor visit. I would not have even thought twice about it if Randy had not mentioned it. Now, I can't shake it.
Perfection. We all seek perfection. For my doctor, perfection is to have a patient completely cleared of an ailment that should have been removed five and a half years ago. Perfection for me is to be cyst free and MRI free.
I remember post surgery looking around at people my age, wishing that their easy carefree life could be mine. I was a newlywed, shouldn't I be in a blissful state, not worrying about what was next? How I longed for perfect, the perfect I could not have.
My doctor offered me my "perfect" through radiation and I said no. Quickly, without hesitation. Why you ask? I could have the cyst gone forever. My perfect would come at a physcial cost, one I am not willing to risk. Yes, it could be gone, but there is no guarentee that it would be forever. Life will always produce imperfections that will abrutply interupt some type of perfection. But who are you to say that that imperfection itself is not truly what your perfect needs to be? It is through Him we are made perfect.
I am content, joyful and hopeful. God has given me a beautiful imperfection. One that I have accepted. One that allows me to tell of His healing and faithful hand. If in the future the cyst needs to go, He will guide me and let me know when and how. Whatever the circumstance I accept it because He has approved it.
